I Miss Otto

There are a multitude of things of late that I miss so I thought I could share a few of my thoughts, and it might encourage you to design your own list, if you are in a similar situation or so inclined.  I attempt to avoid subjects that remind us of great sadness but in this case, it cannot be avoided; it is in my heart and on my mind.  Losing your life partner is devastating; a life changing event.

I miss my husband more than words can express; he was my sincere love and my high school sweetheart, my marriage partner for nearly fifty years, my soul-mate, a devoted father of our two sons, Scott and Arlin, and proud Papa to Joshua, Caleb, Catherine and Christen.  Otto was a faithful Christian, a teller of the truth and a faithful friend.

A licensed electrician and general contractor, he operated all kinds of machines and equipment and could repair anything to include an automobile engine.  I never learned how to do many restorations at the house because he did it so correctly and willingly until his health prohibited.  He was one of those individuals who enjoyed gardening, working in the yard and keeping it beautiful and was exceptionally proud of his fruit trees and flowers.  I miss Otto.

Grief is a poignant journey which has a definite beginning and questionable middle, but with no definitive ending.  I have studied countless articles about how to wade through the sorrow while remembering the happy events and I have to admit that it works on occasion but those dark clouds circle around my existence and although they vanish momentarily, they return with a vengeance.

We miss Otto's unconditional love, his silly jokes, his amazing work ethic, the invaluable assistance he willingly volunteered and his knowledgeable advice.   He enjoyed a good conversation, and a useful argument although he called it an exchange of opinions, he had a large collection of caps and always carried a pocket knife.

There are a few facts that some might not know; Otto was a licensed jeweler, the first in his family to graduate from high school, and was a nationally ranked competition poker player.

My life is so different now; no matter how kindly they speak the words at an eatery or a fine dining establishment it sounds the same; just one person tonight, will that be a table for one, or will someone be joining you later; that stigma is there and people cannot get past it and neither can I, yes, a table for one today.  It is lonesome indeed without your companion.

I am blessed to have loving and compassionate individuals who have been there for me during this sad journey and I appreciate their prayers, calls, cards and messages.  Remember to be strong, concentrate on the good memories, call me anytime day or night, tackle one day at a time and keep moving are suggestions I have been given and I continue to march forward.

Brenda S. Brown 


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